Mothers of Mercy

As mothers, many hours of our time are given to correcting our children, especially when they are young. From one to five is an intense focus period for teaching obedience. Expecting first time obedience takes consistent discipline and instruction. We may believe obedience without the right heart attitude is "imperfect obedience", if obedience at all~and if our children have been trained to obey us in the formative years, as they get older, their struggle isn't usually outright rebellion, but "attitude". Is obedience without "wanting" to obey real obedience? Probably you would say~no it isn't! I want you to rethink that~You'll agree with me that Jesus came to please His Father in all things, but did Jesus have the attitude of wanting to go the cross? Didn't he agonize over obedience and learn obedience through the things he suffered, as scripture tells us. Does my obedience to Christ depend upon whether I feel like obeying?
My point is this........to be a merciful mother, I have to remember that my children are sinful just like I am....that they have fallen natures that struggle....that sometimes they don't "feel" like obeying, just like I don't sometimes. Jesus knows our frailties......He remembers we are dust~in that He shows us mercy. So instead of demanding obedience with the right heart attitude.....I need to expect obedience even when my child is struggling with the desire to obey and find out what he/she is thinking that is producing the attitude.
Now, some of my husband's counseling comes into play here.......emotions/feelings are the result of what we think. If we correct our thinking, our emotions will most likely follow. Get into the minds/hearts of your children and find out where they are struggling so you can help them apply God's grace and remedy to that area. Just to demand obedience with "a smile on your face" is not empathizing with your children & addressing the real heart issue.
We can empathize with the struggle our children have within their own hearts when we remember we, too, have sinful hearts that need God's grace to do what we should do everyday. Do you want to do the dishes everyday or meet your husband's needs when you are tired? I think if we are honest, we struggle with our "want to"~but we do it because Christ asks us to~feelings have very little to do with it. Let your children know that there are days you struggle with doing what you should too~ If we can look at our children through those eyes, we'll have a little more grace towards their "imperfect obedience" and encourage them to do the right thing even when it's hard and they don't feel like it.
Lord, help us be mothers that empathize with our children and instruct them in your ways, remembering as we have been shown mercy and forgiven, so let us be merciful and forgiving. "Be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God, for Christ's sake has forgiven you" Ephesians 4:32

"Why I Homeschool" Guest Post

Why I Home school
by Lori Devine


It is a pretty common question for home school parents. Why would you want to educate your children at home? My response to that question is usually, "How much time do you have to listen?" There are so many reasons, and few who ask that question really want to hear the answer. Even among Christian friends you will find yourself on the defensive about your choices. At one point I narrowed my answer down to, "For the same reason you send your child to public schools...because I think it is best for them."
Our decision to home educate did not come lightly. I am just like any other mom who cherishes peace and quiet and loves to grocery shop alone. In the beginning it was my intention to tough it out until my youngest was in Kindergarten, then enjoy quiet days getting things done. I had a good career, which I still enjoy on a part time basis, but I could have made great money working full time. So why did I decide to chuck all of that for days of non-quiet adding one more thing to my to-do list? Well, read on.

Socialization Surprised? " But so many Christian families send their kids to public schools and they turn out just fine! " I hear that frequently. The truth is that it all depends on what your idea of "just fine" is. Children are so impressionable and mold able. They adapt to their surroundings out of curiosity and sometimes fear. God creates within each of us a distinct desire to love and be loved. Children, and I know from experience especially girls, will follow the crowd or be rejected. I have had Christian friends tell me that I am not preparing my girls for the real world if I do not let them experience the difficulties that come as society's "norms." I am here to contend a more traditional value that upholds the fact that exclusiveness and snobbery should never be considered a norm. My church AWANA club sponsored "geeky feet night" as part of a fun event. My daughter didn't understand what that meant. I opted not to explain it to her. Geek, dork, nerd, jock,..these are words I choose not to use in my home. Home school families, while preserving their children's childhood, are not raising their kids to be good kids, they are raising them to be good adults. That is why you hear families of public school kids complaining that their kids "just cannot connect" with children of home school families. It really isn't such a bad thing. On the other hand, we strive to preserve the innocence of childhood that is lost so early these days. While home school kids take on more responsibility in the home, they are not forced to lose their imaginations at such an early age. I can remember when my niece was 10 or 11 years old I bought my much younger daughter a Barbie Hotel at a garage sale. While my niece looked longingly at the dollhouse she proceeded to tell me of how much she "used" to like Barbies. She had, however, given up her love of the dolls because girls in her age group were not expected to like them anymore. She attended a christian school.. How sad.
I remember a phone conversation many years ago with a friend. She strongly verbalized the need for her son to be well socialized. She could not imagine ever educating her son at home for that reason alone. I tried to explain to her how much "socialization" my kids get at church, and with family. After all, we were at church every Sunday, Wednesday night, and every other Tuesday morning for the "Mothers of Preschoolers" group. Finally, exasperated, I asked her this: "Do you really expect your son to learn good social skills from other 4&5 year-olds who also lack "social" skills? " There was a pause, and I could tell that she was processing that one. If we are rational and realistic, we will note that the only social skills kids pick up from their friends are the bad ones. Do the teachers with class rooms filled to the maximum have the time to stop and consider every quarrel a teaching moment? Absolutely not! In reality they probably do not even see the majority of issues when they arise. Why? Because kids are smarter than that. Did you ever misbehave when you knew the teacher was watching?
I love to read books about Victorian or Colonial times. It amazes me how important manners and self-discipline were then. We have such a tendency to look back on those eras and think that the children had it so rough, and the parents were nothing more than strict authoritative drill sergeants! We shake our heads with disgust when a parent commands respect and responsibility out of a 6 year old. A six year old! Imagine! We spoil or children by given in to their wants. I have to admit that I have fallen into that trap, and it is much harder to crawl out of it than it is to avoid it entirely. My kids have way too much, and have earned precious little of it. Where have we gone wrong? With each generation, we are moving farther and farther away from sensible basic living that we have now created this vast gulf where we can no longer see the value in simplicity. When the recession hit last year there were many women in my workplace that went from working part time to working full time and more than one job. They did so because their husbands had taken huge pay-cuts or lost their jobs all-together. I listen to new moms who hate to leave their babies and go back to work, but they do it because they cannot afford not to. They do it because they want to have bigger houses and more "things.' They do it because society does not respect a mom who sacrifices an income to stay home with her children.
On the lighter side are the arguments like "What about prom?' I can only laugh at that one! Hey, I remember what I did at my prom, and more specifically after the prom.


A Better Education- It is very difficult for anyone who has an education degree to imagine anyone doing their job as well as they do. The truth is, there are some very exceptional teachers out there who get lost in the thick muck of curriculum's and requirements thrown at them. How do you teach a diverse room full of children with different learning styles and capabilities at the same rate? We know by illiteracy and drop out rates that there are many children lost in the process. So why can't we seem to improve our schools? Because our focus is in the wrong place.
John Taylor Gatto was a public school educator in the state of New York. His talent for teaching children garnered him the "New York State Teacher of the Year" award. He quickly became disgusted with the system and abandoned it to become an outspoken voice against compulsory education. He feels that the only thing a school feels the obligation to teach a child is how to be a good citizen or "servant." For a exhaustively and thoroughly researched history of the American public school system I recommend the book The Underground History of Education in America. I cannot even begin to reiterate here the depth of what this book has to say. I will only say that if you are an opponent to home education this is a must read before you attempt
to share your opinion. Do your homework!

I am not looking to imitate the classroom setting in my home. I found myself bored half to death with classrooms, and I still do. Learning should be interesting and fun. I will admit, right off the top that as of now I am not an expert in teaching the essentials like reading and math in a way that always interests my child, but that is what I strive for. My oldest does not like to sit and read, and I cannot keep my middle child's nose out of books. They are two totally different personalities with different interests. A classroom setting cannot suit both of them at the same time.
I do, however, love to learn. There are things that I drink in with all of my energy, and things that I couldn't finish reading if my life depended on it. Interestingly enough, the things that bore me at one time, seem interesting to me at others. If I HAD to read something that was a dry as cardboard I would never absorb it. If, at another time, it interested me, then maybe I could learn from it. It is what I call self directed education and it is not a new concept. Some call it the Montessori Method, some call it unschooling. I hesitate to label it, I just call it common sense. My favorite quote by John Gatto is "...genius is as common as dirt. We suppress our genius only because we haven't yet figured out how to manage a population of educated men and women." I agree, Mr. Gatto. I think the biggest threat to liberal thinking is a generation of home schooled children.

Spiritual- It is hard to separate social and spiritual because so much of it goes hand in hand. As parents we are commanded to train up our children in the ways of the Lord. We do that not only by teaching them God's word, but also teaching them to apply it and shielding them from ungodly influences. It can be very difficult to find a balance between what we allow our children to experience and what we shield them from. Not a single one of us would direct our children to a pornography web site, yet we struggle with where the line becomes "gray." For instance, my children are allowed to play video games such as Lego Star Wars where others would find this too violent and yet others would ask why in the world would you even let them play video games at all?
I have friends who do not even own a TV, yet I know Christian teens who watch TV shows that are unwholesome even for adults. What a heavy responsibility we have to guide our children's learning, time, influences, etc.
I believe that one of the worst things we can do to our children is leave spiritual training up to someone else. While many find it to be the church's responsibility, I cannot argue more! It is the same principal as public education. We cannot and should not assume that the leaders placed over our children in a church setting really have the time to know what is going on in their lives and hearts. Is your pastor responsible for your salvation? Certainly not! Neither should it be the responsibility of your children's Sunday School teachers to teach your children about salvation. I believe that the church exists to encourage and to edify. Corporate worship does just that. Now please do not misunderstand me. Church is a place to learn about salvation, especially for those who are unsaved. However, a child can grow up in a church and hear about salvation all of his life and never really "get" it. When someone explains it to him later in life and he finally "gets" it, we wonder how we all missed it? He hung out with Christian kids. He "talked" a good talk.
I hear adults talk all of the time about how difficult it is to work in an environment that is hostile to Christian thinking. I have to agree. It is difficult for anyone who is exposed to ungodliness day in and day out to keep themselves "blameless." I work with mostly women and I have to admit that I have gotten sucked in to the complaining and back-biting more times that I care to admit. I must maintain a daily walk and conversation with the Lord to be able to overcome this! We somehow think that we can place our children into the same type of hostile environment and expect them to emerge unscathed. Even children who have truly committed their lives to the Lord have much growing to do.
The teenage years were hands down the hardest years of my life. In the public school system, I had to deal with the "mean girls." I had to deal with what social group people "labeled" me for. These were things that consumed my thought. These are things that many people think we have to endure to develop character. Yet these are the things that cause so many to give up hope and turn to drugs, sex, and suicide. These are the things that I do not consider "normal." I am aware that I cannot avoid this type of behavior completely. I have seen kindergarten girls in my church behave this way. What I do hope, however, is to be able to see it when it happens and deal with it in a biblical way. That is what being a parent is all about.

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School Missionaries?

Well, this is no. 2 in our "summer school chat" series. Since we have home schooled for many years, we have heard several different opinions on our choice of schooling. We have also run across the "salt & light" argument~are you familiar with this reasoning? It kind of goes like this....how can we as Christians, make any kind of impact on our world if we separate ourselves from the world, removing our children from the public school system? In other words, we, as Christians, have a responsibility to send our kids into the schools to evangelize. After all didn't Jesus, Himself say his children were in the world, but not of it?
Let's take this apart a little bit...........any bible scholar/teacher will tell you when you study your bible, you need to ask yourself some questions: What is the setting, to whom was it written, when was it written, and so on. Let's look at that "salt and light" argument again........
Jesus specifically was addressing his disciples in Matthew 5, though there were crowds around. These disciples were grown men, who were going to spend 3 years walking alongside the Master Teacher Himself. They would be fully trained to go out when Jesus left them to spread the gospel. Remember, they were FULLY TRAINED by the time they "went out".
So, should I send my little 6,7,8 year old or even my 15 year old out to be salt and light in this context? How can I if my child is not fully trained to be "salty". Will salt be effective if it has lost it's saltiness? According to the bible, it is good for nothing, but to be tossed out and trampled on.
Don't we have a responsibility to train up disciples for Christ, as Ephesians 6 points out "bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord? How can my child obey Psalm 1 if he/she spends 7 to 8 hours a day walking, standing, and sitting under the counsel of a Godless system? Will my child be "salt and light" or will my child's faith be destroyed, thereby rendering his "influence" useless?
The Bible also states children are like arrows in Psalm 127~arrows are a defensive blow in the hand of the archer. As a parent, you will send out your arrows one day. You have to aim and send that arrow where you want it to go. Can you expect that arrow to hit it's target if you are not aiming it anywhere? Shooting an arrow must be intentional and requires careful aiming if you want your arrows to hit the target or "speak with the enemies in the gate". We want our children to do that and some of them already are, but not before they are ready.
Yes, our children are salt and light if they know Christ, but if we contribute to the loss of their saltiness by exposing them to things that destroy their faith, the salt will have no effect. Instead, the "salt" will be trampled under the feet of men and be good for nothing.
Are we, as the universal church, retaining our kids and sending arrows into this culture? I would submit we are seeing just the opposite happen all around us. The stats are in and "christian kids" don't have much of a different worldview than their peers. There's not much "salt and light" taking place, I'm afraid~time to rethink our strategy for winning our kids, let alone winning someone else's.
One source we highly recommend is Douglas Wilson's book, "Excused Absence", a scriptural argument for the Christian schooling of our children.

Honoring my father(s)

Though we should honor our fathers all the year, isn't it nice to have a special day to do so? This Father's Day, I would like to honor 5 fathers in my life. My first earthly father, my own dad, died when I was 17. One memory I carry with me is my dad's laughter~he loved to tease us;) He used to say you have to laugh at life sometimes or you will cry. My dad was very tender hearted, so much so I only remember receiving a spanking from him once in my life!
My second "father" was a young man in our church, who took it upon himself to see our needs were met after my earthly father died. Whenever one of us needed shoes or a coat, we knew Ron Kuhns would see the need was met. He even gave up a home he and his family lived in so we could move out of a neighborhood that wasn't the best. I will be eternally grateful for the sacrifices he and Liz made on our behalf.
My third father, actually my father-in-law, has such a dear place in my heart. He lovingly stepped in and for the last 30 years or so has been such an example of a caring, Christian father. I truly see in him the love of God in the way he has ministered to my heart over the last years.
My fourth father, my step dad, came into my life about 13 years ago. After my earthly father had died, my mother remained widowed until I was in my 30's when she met Robert Doolittle. Though their marriage ended with my mother's death just two years after they were married~he remains such a blessing to me and my family. He loves his children and grandchildren and seeks to leave a spiritual legacy for them and lifts us up in prayer so faithfully~what a blessing!
My fifth father? Though I love and honor all these surrogate fathers the Lord has placed in my life, none can compare to the heavenly Father. Since becoming His child 30 years ago, He has never left me alone, has made sure every need was met, and loved me even as a wretched sinner. All the earthly fathers I have had only pointed me to the best Father, the only wise father who never made a mistake in my life. I know personally He is a Father to the orphan and a husband to the widow. He will ever be the greatest Father we could ever have~the Lord above to whom I wish a Happy Father's Day!
~your loving daughter

Summer School Chat, No. 1

I thought it would be fun to discuss some "school" topics since I am a home school mom and many of my readers either home school or are being home-schooled. Of course, anyone is welcome to jump in and share your thoughts, advice, and comments along the way. Many times, after I officially "finish" up the school year(do we really ever finish learning?), I'm already planning ahead for the next year's course. Daniel just finished up college and Evan is getting ready to go into high school, so college is on the brain right now and that's our topic for today.
In our culture, it is a given that our kids will go to college as soon as they are out of high school. So after "graduation", a common question is "where are you going to school" and "what do you want to go into". If you don't have an answer to either of these, you will be made to feel somewhat strange~especially if you are a young lady and answer that "no, you will be continuing your education at home."(A sort of look close to face spasms will be the reply you receive!)
College, though, is not some rite of passage that we are made to think it is. There are great alternatives if you want to stay out of debt, avoid unnecessary temptation, and still be a highly educated adult. As well, there is much debate about whether having a college degree gives you an upper hand when it comes to actually landing a job!
Herb and I have our own experiences to draw from as well~we taught college kids for over 10 years in various church settings and were astounded to find how many were heavily in debt earning college degrees for which they had no use when they actually got into the workforce~many of them are in totally different fields than what they went to college for. So as our children were growing up~we determined we were not going the usual route of finish high school, off to college the next year. Why spend money and time before you actually know what field the Lord is leading you into? This didn't seem like a wise plan to us at all.
Jump ahead a few years and Daniel has graduated high school. Instead of going straight off to college, we began to search out alternatives to get the education he needed for the field he wanted to go into, which was writing.(Just a little side note for all you discouraged home school moms who have boys that hate writing~so did Daniel when he was younger!!)
For two years, he continued learning at home through The Christian Writers Guild which gave him a mentor. He learned various kinds of writing~creative, non-fiction, journalism, reporting, etc. He began a creation/science website for further exposure. He began approaching various magazines with pieces he had written. This led into landing a job at World magazine. During this time, he continued his education by pursuing a degree through Thomas Edison college in New Jersey(not a brick/mortar campus). Although, he had already landed a job at World as an intern, they encouraged him to go ahead and finish up the degree, which he did last year. He was able to finish a 4 year degree in less than 2 years because he CLEP tested out of many courses and took the rest of his courses online. Not only did this save lots of time and money(he has no college debt), but he was able to continue working, ministering in a local church, and acquiring a home. If he had gone away for 4 years, he would now be in tens of thousands of dollars in debt, lost precious time with his siblings and parents and would now be out looking for a job(hopefully, in the field he studied in).
I say all this, not to convince my readers that our scenario is the only way, but to convince my readers that there ARE alternatives to the way things have always been done! Don't give in to peer pressure and do things just because it's always been done that way~sometimes "systems" are broken and we need to think differently. It's OK to stay home and continue learning~God's Word says NOTHING about what time a young person has to "go away" until it comes to marriage where it says "to leave and cleave".
Really, have you ever thought about Jesus? He didn't enter His earthly ministry until his 30's~where was He before that? From all probability, He was at home, helping his mother with the family. In today's thinking, Jesus Himself, would have been "one of those strange kids" who stayed at home when he should have been living independently, preparing for the real world;)
Well~enough on this topic, I'm getting a little "preachy"!
Some sources I would recommend are the CLEP testing information found at the College Board website and a wonderful book entitled "College Without Compromise" by Scott & Kris Wightman. I met this couple and their lovely family a few years ago and found it interesting that they came up with this plan as Scott was a college professor. This book lays out a wonderful step by step plan of obtaining your college degree.(As a side note, their daughter went for her nursing degree and except for her labs, was able to obtain all her schooling by testing out of courses, online classes, etc)

Helpmeet 1st, Mama 2nd

As I wind down my school year, it's always good to evaluate your year and see what changes need to be made. One change that took place in my own life several years ago is one I'd like to share with you.
As homeschooling moms, it's easy to have our lives consumed with books, curriculum, and running our kids to various learning opportunities. At the end of the day, we fall exhausted into bed, praying for strength to do it all again the next day. Sound familiar? I know, I lived it far too many times since beginning homeschooling 20+ years ago. In all this activity, someone is missing from the picture~hubby!
Do you look at yourself as a helpmeet first or a mama first? We all KNOW the right answer, but it's sure harder living it. The most important relationship you have(on this earth) is your husband. The kiddos are second. Genesis makes it clear God created woman as a helper for the man. If you are frustrated and feeling constantly pulled between your husband and children, you are fighting a battle of wrong priorities. There should be no battle....your first priority in life, aside from knowing Christ, is pleasing your husband. Over the years, this has been a gradual process for me as I've taken on more responsibility helping Herb keep the books for his business and walking alongside him in his counseling ministry.
So now my days look quite different from our first homeschooling days--my husband's wish list comes first and then "schooling" the children. I am his wife first, mama second! There are many blessings that come into our home by living out God's order:
1. My husband shares the schooling of the children as he knows since I'm helping him, I cannot do it all by myself. He is actively involved in disciplining and teaching.
2. Our children's spiritual walk is not hindered. When a parent/child relationship takes priority over the husband/wife relationship, there's trouble brewing in the pot. Through studying biblical counseling, we learned that parental disunity is one of the number one causes of anger in children and home school families are not exempt.
3. Our relationship is stronger and our bond is greater, bringing joy into our marriage.
So as you plan your new school year, ask God to help you live by His priorities~engage your husband, let Him lead in your endeavors and together begin a new homeschooling year!

"Ageless" Beauty

Our culture bombards us with "perfect" images of physical beauty. Billboards, magazines, media, you name it. Now, beauty is something, we as women, cherish. Most women enjoy being attractive and caring for themselves. After all, God Himself is the author of beauty~just look at the creation around you.
But I believe the world's(and sadly, sometimes our) idea of beauty and God's view of beauty are completely opposite. As finite creatures, we appreciate beauty that is only skin deep, physical eye appeal. I guess the new term now is "eye candy". We hold contests to judge which woman is the most beautiful and our daughters are constantly pressured to live up to the air brushed images they view in magazines.
But the Lord says in Proverbs 31 that beauty is vanity, in other words physical beauty really doesn't hold any eternal value. The Lord values a different kind of beauty in you and I as women. A woman who fears Him holds His praise. The value of a virtuous woman in God's eyes is worth far more than any costly jewel. What does He highly value in a woman? A meek(controlled strength)and quiet(resting, contented)spirit as He found in Sara. Sara, herself, was a beautiful woman, but God chose to focus on the inward qualities in her.
So the next time you get discouraged because you don't measure up to the world's ideas of beauty~focus your eyes on what is true. Value what God highly values and a beauty will emerge from deep within that is eternal and a reflection of the beauty of our Savior.